the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
