Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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