Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
