the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
