No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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