your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
