Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
