i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
