You work out of a Hotel?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize