This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
