Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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