Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize