I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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