I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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