it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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