He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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