I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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