my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
