A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just had sex bonerless
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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