I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize