My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
