After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
