remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
