Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
