only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
