I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
