my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
