I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
