My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He passed out mid-signature
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
