Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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