So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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