hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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