i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
