i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
