no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
