You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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