I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
