it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
