Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Semen is not good for contacts.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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