I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Couch. On fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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