Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
