we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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