She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
