Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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