just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
