Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
