I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
