yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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