Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
