I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
