those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
