just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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