You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
