Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
