I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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