I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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