could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
