I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
