Dual....:-)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
