So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't turn off my feet"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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