Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
