butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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