Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
