I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
