my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
