im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
